Should have a winter track done soon; maybe not in time for Christmas, but soon. That's fine since the track is not really Xmasy and just wintery-sounding.

Because it was found in A Minor.

"I just think racism has its upsides."

✅ Okay

"Fucking moron."

❌ Banned! (Fuck you)

I'm just being me. I owe nothing to anyone.

I essentially need to tend to my home within.

Like I may appear a good person on the outside by my actions maybe, but on the inside I feel like a genuinely bad person. I don't know how to fix this currently, but I want to. I think I lack love for myself.

It has to be a chemical imbalance at this point, cause no amount of meditation and internal dialogue with myself has fixed this.

I am depressed 99% of the time and I feel a glimmer of happiness once-a-month at most like a carrot being dangled in front of me and being pulled away before I can grab it.. I'm relieved that I can still cry honestly, cause otherwise I would just be bitter and bored constantly.

I am grateful about my boyfriend though. I hope I can see him soon.

I usually have something thought-provoking for my frontpage post, but this time I don't have much to say. I'm genuinely sad this holiday season, even bitter if I'm being honest, despite that though I still have persistence in overcoming all of this; being good despite my evil nature. Currently though, I feel hopeless, but I'm still doing my best and won't beat myself up for it. I'm allowed to be sad and bitter right now, and I have every right to be. No longer pretending.

holiday spirit is 100% gone and I probably won't get it back for a very long time.